Not Everyone Will Matter!

I have come to learn, understand and accept that what I say, do and share with others has an emotional impact that will stay with the person if the feeling left was one of unkindness and anger (hurt feelings). It seems to me that being hurt, offended or angered is felt and seen more often than not among family and friends. (and in retail service).

Wanting to be offended or upset, by minor and irrelevant events, seems so common. A lack of self-awareness of ones own emotions, moods, weaknesses or thought patterns and choices goes missing when the amygdala has been hi-jacked during these events!

(That's that part of the brain that is like a warehouse of stored memories and keeps your anger, fear, aggression and sadness in check when it remembers how that made you feel.) If those feelings go unrestrained, they will have a great impact on those around you and how they feel when they interact with you. This is how we decide who we want in our lives or not (I'll get to the part in a bit about not everyone will matter; I promise.)

So when I catch myself going off to the deep end of my thoughts and feelings and am about to self-sabotage , I STOP, take a moment and breathe in and reflect on what I am about to do, say, think or feel about the situation that has either left me pondering, confused or a bitter taste in my mouth and/or even happy. (This is the tough part of getting myself together before I put my foot in my mouth or say yes to something I really didn't want to feel obligated to do.)

When I reflect about it, I give myself the opportunity to respond and not come off insensitive to the emotions of those around me by reacting to a comment, negative feedback, request, situation or incident. (I remind myself that it's not all about me and others have inner battles as well and what I may say may not be taken the right way.) Although, I try not to be in my head too much and over think, but thinking about what is in your present moment and what you are feeling is needed and helpful to stay on track with my own personal needs, values and what I am striving to do. Positive reflection and choices helps me make better choices and habit pattern changes. ( I remind myself that everything I experience is all about personal growth, even though I don't get it all right all of the time.)

So getting to why this won't matter to everyone boils down to this; being honest with how I feel and what I say may not always be received by others kindly and being yourself is not always welcomed. Everyone has a set of personal rules and when we break their rule they are not happy campers with the rule-breaker. Everyone has a personal perspective on how life should be lived and felt.

Being able to understand and accept individuality, thoughts and feelings is the connecting point of all relationships versus a one sided point of view. Staying empathetic without labeling others ,because they don't do what you think is right, is difficult but necessary. Although it may not be easy to view the world as the other person does, it will be appreciated when pause is taken to better understand and see their perspective and then agree to agree or disagree. It is a good thing to appreciate how quirky everyone is or how set in their ways they may be and sincerely apologize if you screwed it all up and forgive and move on. Move on and still be you and only you!

Don't be a victim of your own thoughts and emotions by keeping them hostage.

Being honest with who you are, your thoughts and feelings towards others is greatly needed and appreciated by those that matter in your life and get who you are.

Those that choose not to accept you as you are didn't matter in the first place and you were never sincerely ever a part of their life. This was a choice. Those that don't seek to understand or see the world from diverse perspectives will be difficult to convince that there is more than one way to approach life (or that there is a Santa Clause, or that you will find true love, that it's ok to cry just because, or to say NO!).

Not everyone will matter but those who do matter, be true to them and stay committed and follow through. Do what you say you are going to do and don't be wishy-washy with your interactions. Keep your promises! Be a person of great integrity and bring love with you when you interact. Allow only the REAL you to show up!

Reference:

Bariso, J. (2019) Inc.com: 13 signs of high emotional intelligence. https://www.inc.com/justinbariso/13-things-emtionallyintellgine-people-don.html

Downing, S. (2018) On Course 8th edition. Cengage Publishing

Ruiz, Miguel (2004) A practical guide to inner peace. A Toltec wisdom book. The Voice of knowledge. Amber-Allen Publishing: SAn Rafael, CA.